Before The Roads
by Cerulione
Summary: Celeste Amell, Hero of Ferelden, decided to visit Cullen Rutherford one last time to clear all unsaid things between them since she last saw him in Ferelden Circle Tower.


**Before The Roads**

People said that Ferelden was as resilience and as stubborn as Mabari hounds. Whether they were referring to the land itself or its inhabitants, Celeste Amell could never tell. From her horse, everything she could see seemed pristine as far as eyes could see, as if this land had never known the Blight. There were miles of moors dotted with farmlands here and there along the road her companion and her travelled that morning. Further away, she could see a forest spreading, green and lush, with tall snowy mountains decorating the background. Leliana was right. A decade and a half after she had last seen it, everything had changed. Ferelden had already healed itself.

This was the Ferelden she had never known herself. As an ex-Circle Mage turned Grey Warden, the first time she saw this land was during the Fifth Blight, when Darkspawns ravaged the lands, poisoning it, killing thousands. It was a chaotic time, death and destruction lurking in every corner. Even during the few years she spent rebuilding the Wardens in Amaranthine, she had never seen the land in such lush or beauty. It amazed her how in her own lifetime a land once touched by the something so damaging could heal so fast, leaving nearly no scars except on its older inhabitant's memories.

From her horse, her red-haired companion smiled at her, nodding at a house situated beside the forest. It was a small house made of grey stones and woods, with a small porch on the side, typical of Ferelden countryside. There was an oak tree planted on its yard, with a small swing clinging on its largest branch. Celeste smiled. A stone house beside the wood, a peaceful place to rest after everything that happened. That did sound like him. In the early morning light, she could feel the beauty of this place seeping inside her. Somehow, it warmed her heart.

Approaching the place, they could now see smokes puffing from its chimney, its windows opened to the fresh morning air. Several rose bushes were planted near the entrance. Celeste stopped her horse for a while. This was where he lived. It had been many years since she last saw him, and last time they had parted on bad terms. Feeling her hesitation, Leliana stopped as well, waiting for her lover to collect her thoughts.

Suddenly, the front door opened and a little girl with dark curly locks came out running, crying out loud, "Papa, they are here! They are here!" Leliana laughed and jumped down from her horse, giving the girl a big hug. Celeste watched Leliana lifted the girl to the air, raining her with kisses on both cheeks. "Aunt Leliana, we are waiting for you! And this lady must be…" The girl's golden eyes were wide opened, "…the Hero who saved us all from the big bad Archdemon! Aunt Leliana told me many stories about you the last time she came to visit us."

"Yes, Rose, that is the Hero of Ferelden herself," replied a man coming out from the house behind the little girl. Celeste saw a tall, muscular man with curly golden hair. "Welcome to our home, Leliana, Lady Amell. I'm glad you've finally arrived, Rose had not been able to stop talking about waiting for your visit."

Leliana smiled and approached him, giving him a big hug too. "And it's good to see you again, Cullen. Rose had surely gained a few inches upward since the last time I saw her. Well, maybe I'd better bring our horses to the stables and give them a good brushing and something to eat and drink. Oh, please don't worry, I know my way around from my last visit. Would you lend me a hand Rose? You must tell me about that swing, it wasn't there last time I was here." Tactfully, Leliana took the little girl's hand and left Cullen and Celeste alone.

For a moment, an awkward silence fell between them. Celeste could feel Cullen's slight discomfort, his hand was twitching the back of his neck. "Please, Cullen, call me Celeste. You used to call me that once," she said, trying to put him at ease.

Cullen smiled slightly. "Very well then, Celeste. It's just… I was… I mean, it has been a while."

Celeste watched him closely. Cullen's hair had started to go a bit thin at his temple and she could see several streaks of grey here and there. There were also several scars on his face, and dark circles under his eyes. But he looked calm, collected, and happier than she had ever seen him. Somehow he looked both weathered and softened at the same time than last time they met. "Yes, it has been a long while indeed."

"When Leliana wrote to me asking whether both of you could come for a visit, I was just… Well, I mean I should have contacted you sooner. I had always meant to ask for your forgiveness. For well, you know… everything I had said back then, the last time we met. That was unworthy of me. I always regret it heavily. I should have written to you or contacted you sooner. "

She gave him a sad smile. She could feel within him a quietness that had not been there on his younger years. Still, she could also feel that inside, the essence of the man now standing in front of her was the same with the one before she left the tower, before things went bad. "Don't worry about that. I understand. I always understood. It was bad times, considering what was happening at the Tower."

Cullen shook his head slowly. "It was one of the things I had always regretted. I would be dead or mad if not for you. You saved my life and I… I said unkind, untoward things to you. It was very unworthy of me. I should have told you all these things long ago."

Celeste took his hands, squeezing it in hers. "Cullen, how can I blame you, considering what you were going through back then? And I know that it would never be easy for anyone who survived those experiences to talk about it later, so please stop worrying about that." At first he seemed very surprise at her gesture, but then he squeezed her hands too in return, smiling sheepishly.

For a moment none of them speak. From inside the house, they could hear Leliana and Rose talking merrily, and the kettle singing from the kitchen. Cullen smiled gently, his eyes warm. "Thank you," he said quietly, "that really means a lot. I'm glad I get the chance to see you once again, to tell you all these in person."

"So do I, Cullen, so do I."

That afternoon, both of them sat on the porch, watching Leliana pushing Rose on the swing, the little girl laughing every time.

"She has your eyes and your curls," said Celeste after a while. "She is a very beautiful girl, so lively too."

Cullen chuckled softly. "Yes, everyone said that. Except for her eyes and curls, she looked pretty much like her mother. Except that she was much calmer than Rose. Until now I don't know where that liveliness comes from."

"Leliana told me about her. I'm so sorry."

She could hear Cullen sighed quietly, feeling his eyes wandered into the little figure swinging merrily. "So do I," he replied softly. "I always regret that Rose had never got the chance to know her more. Maybe in another life… But still, I must be grateful for Rose. Every day she looks more and more like her mother. I just hope I could see her…" He did not finish his sentence, shaking his head. "You know that I was a Templar once. I quit, but I had been one for many years. I was just afraid that one day, I must… pay the price of those years. I just hope that it won't happen anytime soon." He sighed, shaking his head once again. "I'm sorry, you didn't come here to hear me rambling."

Celeste shook her head, smiling. "I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to meet her. From what Leliana told me, she was a wonderful person."

Cullen smiled sadly. "She was."

For a moment, none of them speak. Celeste looked at the forest and the mountains in the distance. "This place is very beautiful, very peaceful. I can see why you want to stay here."

"Well, we moved here after the Inquisition. Here we could live a peaceful, normal life. No one really knew who we were, no politics, and no court intrigues. None of us wanted Rose to grow up in Val Royaux or Denerim. And especially her mother being Dalish and my being Ferelden, Rose being half an elf and everything, Orlais is out of the question. So here we are, at the loneliest place of Ferelden. It suits us just fine."

Celeste nodded. She herself could understand that need. To not be recognized the whole time. To live a normal, peaceful and quiet life. Mundane daily routines. To live far away from politics and all those nasty intrigues going on. Everything that she had never had, and would never have.

"How are things for you? The last thing I heard about you from Leliana was when she told me that you had been returning from the West."

Sighing slowly, she gave him a sad smile. "My efforts to find cure for the Calling had failed, Cullen. There was finally no cure, at least none that I can find. So when Leliana came to join me after the Inquisition, we were just living our best of what is left of our days together, enjoying ourselves as much as we can." She looked into the distance, to Leliana. "Lately, I had started to… hear my Calling. Now I know that my time had… nearly come. It won't be long now before I'll be going to Orzammar, entering the Roads one last time. Leliana wanted to come with me, staying with me until the very end. I told her not to, and ever since it had been a subject for many heated discussion between us. Well, I guess that all will depend on whether I can stop her or not when we will be there at the gate of the Road."

Cullen looked at her sadly. He had noticed several soft purplish patches on the skin under her eyes. And her once lavish hair had surely got much thinner, the white part of her once clear grey eyes was patched with pale yellow stains. At first, he had attributed this to her aging badly. "I'm very sorry," he said quietly. "I did not know."

"Don't be. I've always known that this will happen one day. My days had always been counted ever since I drank that bloody cup of the Wardens'. They told me I had maximum thirty years. But it seems that I have much less, for me being a Warden during the time of Blight. Now Leliana and I had decided to travel a bit, paying a last visit to everyone we both knew." Sighing heavily, she added, "That's why I asked Leliana to bring me here to visit you. She told me that you regret very much everything you told me back then, in the Tower. Well, I think that I'd love to see you one last time. I had always meant to see you once again since many years before, you know."

"Then I thank you for visiting us. I'm glad we've got this one chance." Sadly, they smiled to each other. Her days were counted. Soon, she would have to enter the everlasting darkness of the Deep Roads. But not tonight. Tonight all of them would smile. Tonight all of them would laugh together, telling stories and tales beside the fireplace. Tonight they would enjoy these one last golden moments.


End file.
